Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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