i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
