I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am available for nakedness
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
