I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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