is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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