I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
