my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
