You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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