Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
