No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
