I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
