he thought i was a dude.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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