I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
