I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
