i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
