im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
