OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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