Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
