All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
