There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
