and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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