for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
