I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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