In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
