he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
