I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I smell stomach acid.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
