woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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