You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
