well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
