I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
