I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
