I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
