I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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