Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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