Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
