plz talk dirty to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I believe in your delicious
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
