you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
