so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
