I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
