Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize