Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
