I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
