I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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