Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
