I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
