i don't like sucking hair
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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