Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
