Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
