3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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