I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
