I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
