No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
