omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
