Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
