Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
