Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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