the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
