I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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