He asked to "fluff my boner.."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
