I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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