girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
