i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize