i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have feelings that need drinking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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