also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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