so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
