When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
