What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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