I wish I only lived at night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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