someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
