she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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