I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
