Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
