And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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