Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize