please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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